Exposing Hillary So She Won't Get Elected

Well, That was Awful: #DemDebate

The Democratic debate last night on CNN made me sad. Is this it? Is this the best the Democratic side of America can offer us?

Hillary

I have to admit, by not screwing up, Hillary did well. She clung to her talking points tenaciously, brushed off any scandals (aided by CNN’s Anderson Cooper lobbing her softballs on the tough issues, and of course, Bernie absolving her of any email problems, the FBI investigation be damned), invoked her dead blue collar mom several times to the point where we were looking for the ghost to appear on stage, and absent a weird and untrue story about her and Barack chasing down some Chinese fellas to yell at them about climate change, told no apparent whoppers.

She did muff on Wall Street, claiming oddly she “represented Wall Street” as Senator. That line will live on in a thousand Republican attack videos. In that same little speechlet, Hillary also mentioned in 2007 she went down to Wall Street and told them to “cut it out,” in relation to the massive financial crisis dumped on American a year later.

Her statements about how well Libya worked out, and how she personally took down bin Laden, were utterly false, but whatever, she’s said all that before. She did not shapeshift into her lizard form, and thus was the debate’s big winner.

Bernie

Bernie. Oh Bernie. Bernie played to his loyal base and left the vast pool of others disappointed. At times he sounded like your drunk old hippy uncle, ranting about revolution. His most salient points, about climate change and the one percent, were often shouted. One could imagine the spittle that some poor slob had to swipe off the lectern afterwards. It is very unclear how many voters Bernie persuaded to switch over to him. He instead cemented his place in history as an “issue” candidate, one who runs to push some ideas further into the mainstream with no hopes of actually winning.

See ya, Bernie, you have achieved footnote-in-the-history-books status for all time.

The Others

The others really should have just stayed home. They were the equivalent of the Star Trek red shirts, background actors filling out scenes, without names, handy when a scriptwriter needs to kill someone off.

Martin O’Malley was running for something, maybe Hillary’s foot massager come 2016, but stumbled to make any real points. He sounded desperate about his turn as Baltimore’s mayor, saying things were actually pretty good then. Come on Martin, we’ve all seen The Wire.

Lincoln Chafee — brother, it is over, if it had ever begun. When you explained you flubbed an early vote in Congress because you were new and your dad had died, you sounded like an undergrad begging his Psych 101 prof for extra credit.

Then there was Jim Webb, the man who has overnight spawned a million Tweets. Webb was angry. Webb whined about not getting called on. Webb didn’t seem to remember his kids’ names. Webb dragged his wife into this, twice, the only family member pictured out the audience unless someone was related to the Santa Claus guy. But Webb saved the best for last, playing out his PTSD live on stage, grinning manically while explaining how he killed a man in Vietnam.

CNN

And no props to CNN. A full thirty minutes of trash and commercials before the debate proper started? Letting Obama do a full-on promo piece saying “Vote Democrat?” Having their official Black Guy Reporter Don Lemon ask one and only one question about #BlackLivesMatter? Then having the official Hispanic guy do the questions about weed and illegal immigration? And no questions at all about Israel, the Palestinians, the current war in Iraq, Afghanistan, or Planned Parenthood?

The only question left: what was Joe Biden, watching this all at home, thinking?