Exposing Hillary So She Won't Get Elected

Jeb Drops Last Name, Says ‘I’ve Always Identified as a Clinton’

In a shocking move that some say is crazy and racist, and others claim is his right, the Republican presidential candidate formerly known as “Jeb Bush” has officially dropped his last name and become a Clinton.

“Jeb,” in his first public statement, told Looney Tunes character Bugs Bunny his exclusive story:

“I have had to keep it my deepest secret for years because of intense family pressure, but the truth is, I have always self-identified as a Clinton. Deep inside of me, I always knew that is who I was. It has been hell, pretending to be a Bush all these years.”

Jeb went on to cite the decades where his given family name, Bush, stalked him.

“First it forced me into exclusive schools and a cushy life, followed by long years living in various governor’s mansions, as a Senator’s son and then that long, dark period in the White House. Finally, my domineering father forced me to move to Florida, where the cursed name Bush made me pretend to be governor of the state myself.”

“There were so many long nights when, after completing my daily duties gathering slush money for my little brother’s campaign, I would wait alone until all our house slaves passed out from exhaustion. I would stand in front of the mirror and imagine myself — my true self — as a Clinton. Those stolen moments were the only happy times of my life.”

Bush downplayed accusations that he went public as a Clinton only for the 2016 election, or that he exposed himself just ahead of a planned TMZ segment where his deeply disappointed parents were prepared to out him.

“Sure, it is obvious Americans are going to vote for a Clinton in 2016. It is equally obvious that the name ‘Bush’ is seen now as a liability. So it is not surprising for the liberal media to come at me over this, claiming it is all a political move. But in my heart I was born a Clinton, and like some kind of impacted constipation, that Clinton has always wanted to come out. Now it has.”

“This is my time,” Bush said as he exercised his new identity by picking the pockets of everyone in the room.